Freud's Nightmare
by Saint Nick
Summary: Logan attends a group therapy session, and hilarity ensues! PG-13 for cursing


Don't own the X-Men, never have, never will 

Anger Managment 

Cyclops AKA Scott Summers groggily rose from his bed on a lazy Sunday morning, as always, Sundays were rather a slow day for the mutant outlaws known as the X-Men, he went downstairs, stepping over Iceman and Gambit, who hadn't quite made it all the way up the stairs after their Saturday night out. He went down to the mailbox to check the mail , "Bills, Bills, Flyer" he said, tossing the junk into the waste bin one by one, when suddenly, a loud knock at the door came, waking him from his daze, he closed his robe and opened the door, only to be faced with a somewhat familiar sight. 

Two people: one of them was the veteran X-Man known as Wolverine, Logan to his friends and "Wolvie" to Jubilee the other was a NYPD officer that Scott had never seen before, to most, this would be out of the ordinary, but to the X-Men and Wolverine specifically, this was rather frequent, "Does this belong to you?" the officer asked, Scott was tempted to deny ever seeing Logan before but judging by the look on Logan's face he decided against it, "Yes he does, is there a problem, officer?" Scott responded, "I'm afraid so, this gentleman here, instigated a full-scale bar-brawl at the Lion's head tavern last night, the manager won't press charges , but this is not Mr Logan's first offence, this letter will explain everything," the Officer explained handing Scott a letter, "Have a Nice day" he finished releasing Logan's arm and then driving away . 

Scott stood there, tapping his foot in the manner of father who had just caught his son doing something very bad. "What do you have to say for yourself?" Scott asked insistently, letter in hand, Logan thought for a moment, and then after looking Scott up and down made his response "Yeah" he started "I did'nt know you wore leopard spotted briefs" he said with a chuckle, Scott looked down and after discovering his robe was open, chased after Logan, who was currently making his way to the kitchen "Funny, wiseass" Scott sneered "what I mean is what the hell was that about, what the hell possessed you to start a 10-man bar-brawl!?!" he eventually yelled, waking up the rest of the sleeping X-Men, Jean Grey AKA Phoenix, Jubilation Lee AKA Jubilee and Prof. Xavier entered to room, all rubbing the sleep out of their eyes, "Scott, what the devil are you screaming about, it's 7:30am?" Prof. X asked 

"Logan just got in, escorted by an NYPD officer, apparently he started a 10-man barfight" Scott explained 

Their respective reactions were as follows .Jean: mildly surprised Prof. X: Scowling indignantly Jubilee: Impressed, "And that's not all, also , we got this letter, I figured we should read it once we have a proper handle on the situation" 

After Breakfast and Once everyone had properly woken up, Logan explained exactly how he'd come to be escorted home by a cop, "So what your saying is that you started a full scale barfight over being called a mutie?" Scott finally said after hearing Logan's full story, "Yeah, what's yer point?" Logan grumbled, lighting a cigarette, "My point is that I have lost count of the number of times you've come home in the custody of a cop!" Scott yelled, "And according to this letter, the only way the other 9 involved wont have you arrested, is if you attend a Therapy group" he continued, suddenly, Scott got an exasperated look on his face and threw his hands skyward "Ahh, to Hell with this!" he finally postulated, "we'll discuss this later" 

That afternoon, Logan, Scott, Prof. X, Iceman, and Gambit sat in the Den, trying to figure out what to do Scott still insisted Logan attend the Therapy group, Prof. X and the rest agreed wholly, but Logan was not as enthusiatic "No goddamn flamin way in all a' Hell am I gonna go ta some dumbass Therapy group" Logan stated, daring Scott to say otherwise, "Logan, its either that or 4 months in Jail for aggrivated assault!" Scott countered "Fine!" Logan shot back "Ill take Jail, it would'nt be my first time behind bars!" he growled , rising from his chair. "Which means that Wolverine et grand poulet'" gambit said with a smirk, "What did you say Cajun?" Logan snarled, Iceman dove off the couch, Scott backed away " I said that you aint nothin' more than a grand poulet, or in english, you a big chicken, mon ami" gambit re-stated 

"I aint scared a nothin!" Logan barked, "Then prove it" Iceman spoke up, "Watch it popsicle or yer shredded ice!" Logan snarled "Chicken" Scott jeered, adding a few Buck, buck buck's for good measure " if you had any guts you go to that group" he continued "Okay One-eye, FINE!" Logan growled "I'll go to the damned group, and if I complete it, Gambit's in fer a world a' hurt" he barked aiming a claw at Gambit and finally storming away, "Inspired tactic, Gambit" Xavier commended "that must've taken courage", "Courage?" Gambit asked consfusedly "I was terrified!" 

One week later after the other X-Men had traded bets on how long Logan could go without gutting the Therapist , Logan was preparing to head of the the local therapist's office, just as he clamped on his cowboy hat, Iceman showed up "Now remember Logan, play nice, eat your lunch and answer if the teacher calls on you" Iceman jeered, barely able to hold back his snickering "Shove it ya stupid bonehead" Logan snarled in response, firing up his Harley-Davidson and roaring off 

20 minutes later, Logan arrived, after asking were the Doctor's office and getting lost twice, he made in to class, only to be confronted with eight other people and one skinny man who Logan estimating by his Pinstrip suit and extensive collection of dusty books was the Doctor himself "Hello group" the suit said "im Dr. Richelu, and this is your therapy session, first in a series of 10 sessions _good lord!_ Logan thought to himself _ I gotta go through 10 session's worth a' this crap?_ if you'll all get a nametag we'll begin, "Now, lets introduce our uniqueness" Dr. Richelu stated. they introduced themselves one by one, stating thier names and problems and In turn greeted with a choir-style hello finally it was Logans turn he stood up grudgingly and Scowled at the rest of the group " I'm Logan " he growled "and what is your trouble" Dr Richelu asked "I punched out some Jackass in a bar, broke his jaw, so badda-bing, badda-boom, here I am" Logan responded, the rest of the group let out a rather nervous "Hi Logan!" in unison. 

"First, we will identify our respective problems" Dr. Richelu started, "some of us are Nymphomainiacs, others are here for anger problems, others for self esteem problems, but we have one common thread, we want to heal" he finshed, this earned a derisive snort and a chuckle from Logan "is there a problem Logan ?" the Dr. asked, "Yeah," Logan growled, "I dont want to heal, and I think that this class is the biggest load a' bullshit that I ever saw in my damn life" The Doctor got a combination of insulted and confused on his face 

"It would seem that we have a stubborn stan in our midst" the Doctor stated, "I think you all know what the remedy is..... GROUP HUG!" suddenly all eight participants and the Doctor rose from their seats and advanced on Logan, arms outstretched _think fast, Wolvie _he thought to himself, quickly the group latched around him, squeezing for all they were worth, the Logan did what he always did when confused and nervous, he fought back, he threw his arms to either side, sending the rest of the group flying in all directions, 

Logan promptly walked over to the doctor, the others jumped and ran out of Logan's way "Now look here ya touchy-feely hug freak!" Logan snarled in the most intimidating voice he could muster "I don't group hug, I don't share and there's no way in all a' Flamin' Hell that im gonna sit through 9 more BS sessions like this so you got two choices" he stepped back and with a metallic SNIKT unleashed his 12 inch adamantium claws "You can force me to sit through this, or ya can sign this form sayin' that I finished these classes, and we'll never have to see each other again, so what'll it be doc?" Logan asked , holding a pen and form in one hand and baring the claws on his other hand, the Doctor nervously plucked the pen and with a speed he did'nt know he had, signed the form "hope this course was educational" he stammered "oh yeah" Logan chuckled, retracting his claws and heading for the door "One more thing, the next time ya got a problem, do what I do, just have a few dozen beers" and with that, he walked away, leaving 8 therapy patients and 1 doctor wondering what the hell to do next 

"Meeting Adjourned" the Doctor stated 

The Next day Logan was getting his first beer of the day when Remy LeBeau AKA Gambit and Scott strolled in "So Mon ami, how de class go?" Remy asked "Really educational" Logan responded "dont you have another class today" Scott asked "Nah" Logan said, "I managed to persuade the Doc that I had it under control" "I wonder what homme did to get out a' class that easy?" gambit asked "I just don't want to Know"Scott answered, shaking his head nervously 

That very night one Doctor Richelu was at his office, but this time he was seeing a Psychiatrist himself "But he had claws I tell ya!" Richelu stammered insistently "of course he did" the other doctor said patronizingly "Of course he did" 


End file.
